Beach Etiquette (3 Eyebrows)

Is there anything better than a beach vacation? And probably the best version of the sun soaked sand oasis is at an island resort. Private getaways provide opportunity to overlook the ocean blue and bask in the sunshine under cotton candy skies, with no unwanted intrusion.

But what if this picturesque retreat with all inclusive amenities isn’t quite in your budget? Instead, your rest and relaxation will hopefully be achieved on the coastline of a heavily populated shore community. Fancy drinks out of coconut shells, surrounded by palm trees, are replaced by soda cups and wall to wall rainbow umbrellas. Continue reading “Beach Etiquette (3 Eyebrows)”

Toy Tornado (3 Eyebrows)

You and your newlywed wife have saved enough money to move out of an apartment and become first time homebuyers. Admittedly you are not very handy, so you convince your beloved to buy a house that’s move in ready, new construction. It takes a little time, but you eventually find an affordable development that accommodates two main requirements. It’s located close to the train station, since you both commute a far distance to work, and it’s in a good school district for when kids enter the picture.

The new house is a twin design. It has a decent sized patch of grass for a front yard but practically no backyard. It also has a one car driveway but no garage. So, in terms of storage space, there’s just enough room behind the house for a small shed to house a lawn mower, snow shovel, and basic landscape essentials. Continue reading “Toy Tornado (3 Eyebrows)”

Weight A Minute (4 Eyebrows)

The relationship between women is a remarkable social dynamic, ever evolving yet reliably stable. Comparatively, it’s more dependable than frivolous bromances born over beers while commiserating pro team shortcomings. Specifically, one minute two twenty something female coworkers are complete strangers, and the next they’re bridesmaids at each other’s weddings. When honesty is the foundation, the female bond endures a lifetime. Such is the story of you and the owner of an earnestly waving arm sticking from a 4 foot high cubicle wall.

With a sweaty palm and shaky hand, you nervously hit a “3” on the panel. You have just a few floors to prepare for crossing the border into a hostile country, or at least that’s how it feels. As the elevator doors opens, you are inundated with foreign sights and sounds. And stepping from the transporter, you pause and look down the distant aisle. You just want to locate a friendly face. Continue reading “Weight A Minute (4 Eyebrows)”

Salmon Surprise (2 Eyebrows)

You and your wife have worked hard all your lives. You’ve successfully raised two children, a boy and a girl, and they have families of their own. Now it’s time to settle into retirement and relax. You spend some time golfing and playing cards with the guys, and your wife takes yoga and joins a book club. Plus, you always make time for each other. Long walks along the creek and matinee movies are your favorites.  And let’s not forget Friday Fish Night.  For practically a lifetime, your wife has made a delicious fish dinner every week.

One afternoon on your ride home from the card game, you pass a local restaurant that specializes in seafood. The parking lot is packed. You’ve heard good things about it from your buddies. You decide to stop in and grab a menu.  You have an idea about future Friday Fish Nights. Continue reading “Salmon Surprise (2 Eyebrows)”

The Passive Flirt (3 Eyebrows)

The crisp overnight air is making way for bright sunshine and singing birds. Spring has finally arrived, and it’s time to break open the musky bat bag and hit the field. Yes, it’s baseball season all across America, and for beginners, t-ball time.

You are a thirty-two year old mom, happily married, with a little girl and a six year old boy. This will be your first experience as a parent bringing your son to the baseball field and watching him play organized sports. He’s been tossing the ball around the yard since he was four. Your husband is very athletic and a good teacher. So in addition to throwing, your little guy can catch and hit with ease. Still, it’s just t-ball and even though your son has practically mastered the basics, you nervously await that first practice. Continue reading “The Passive Flirt (3 Eyebrows)”

Wasted Wingman (2 Eyebrows)

You and your girlfriend have been the best of friends, practically out of the womb. Both your moms went to the same birthing class and ultimately delivered within a week of each other. Plus, they were close friends in high school and lived in the same small town. So it stands to reason, you were destined to grow up together.

You have similar likes and dislikes, whether it’s food, clothes, movies, and even taste in boys. You are both physically attractive but in slightly different ways. You have very pretty faces, but she’s a bit more endowed, and you have always been known for your long legs. Still, neither of you flaunt your good looks. You are probably considered conservative, sort of “the girl nextdoor.” Continue reading “Wasted Wingman (2 Eyebrows)”

Parental Guidance Suggested (5 Eyebrows)

It is a harsh reality when parents are heading for a divorce. And often overlooked is the negative impact arguing and bickering has on the children. The parents tend to be so consumed with who’s to blame for what, they ignore the kids. And when parents finally conclude a permanent separation is the only option, the children have become accustomed to the fighting, actually numb. They not only witnessed the gradual disunion, but have also undergone an unhealthy disconnect as well.

This has been the way of life for a fifteen year old girl, literally two years of watching the destruction of a relationship that started with “to death do us part.” So regardless of rings and promises, the divorce is finalized and living arrangements are changing. The mom chooses to move out, far away to another state. The father is keeping the house and supposedly staying with his daughter. The girl is happy not to relocate and go to a new school. Continue reading “Parental Guidance Suggested (5 Eyebrows)”

Beefcake Blues (4 Eyebrows)

You are an attractive man in your late twenties. You went to college, but a white collar career didn’t appeal to you. You’ve always gravitated towards blue collar construction jobs. You pride yourself at always being in peak physical condition, and you love working with your hands. Unfortunately, most of the jobs you pick are just that, jobs. You haven’t found a stable career in the field you enjoy. And to top things off, you are newly married with a child on the way. It’s time to find steady employment with health benefits.

Welcome the 90’s, and big box stores are flooding the market, especially in the home improvement sector. The pay is good, with opportunity for growth. And there’s an opening in the lumber department at a local store. The manager seems very impressed by your knowledge and motivation, and offers you a position on the spot. Continue reading “Beefcake Blues (4 Eyebrows)”

Illegal Hands Girlfriend (3 Eyebrows)

You’ve made it to your 40’s. You’re hanging in there pretty good for your age, but you want to look and feel better. The kids are older and drive themselves to work and activities, and your husband loves to watch sports. Sounds like the perfect opportunity for some “me time.”

You decide to join a gym. You don’t want to go crazy on an exercise bike or lift weights. You just want to decompress, get in shape, and maybe fit into a smaller dress size. A dance aerobics class is the perfect choice. And after just two weeks and a lot of sweat, you are thrilled with your decision, especially the results. Your cardio is up, you have more energy, lost a few pounds, and even made a friend. Continue reading “Illegal Hands Girlfriend (3 Eyebrows)”

Mingling Mistake (2 Eyebrows)

You are at your seven year old’s soccer game, and it’s about halfway through the season. All the parents seem friendly. Some sit and drink coffee, looking at their phones, randomly calling out there child’s name. Others pace the sidelines, clapping, cheering, and speaking in soccer lingo. And then there’s the majority of the parents who pay attention, somewhat. They are careful not to miss when their child is on the field, because it’s a long ride home when you miss a little tyke’s big goal. These parents tend to be open to conversations with other similar behaving parents. And you and your spouse are in this category.

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning and just a few minutes into the game. You make eye contact with a couple you’ve seen for almost three years now. Your kids always end up on the same team together. You usually just wave hello and goodbye, mention the weather, and make a quick comment about the game. You feel like you know each other, yet for some reason, you’ve never taken the time to formally meet, until today. Continue reading “Mingling Mistake (2 Eyebrows)”