Are you a
in your relationship…your marriage…well, first let’s take a closer look at this amazing animal and its ability to adapt to a harsh environment…the unforgiving
…the most obvious physiological characteristic is the
on its back…one or
…but contrary to popular belief…humps aren’t a
of
…however, they are a reservoir of fatty tissues…ok, I have to
right here and adjust my approach to this Callemonit…if I’m already starting to feel like this
from writing the story…you probably look like this
from reading it…that being the case, let me put a
on the whole zoology lesson and conclude…Camels can carry heavy loads for long distances in severe heat on very little water…there, now I need to turn a person into a
for the purpose of a
reality check…maybe I should pick from these two
…or better yet, from this happy couple
…yes…I’ll choose her
…and not because I feel all women are like delicate
and when relationships come under scrutiny, it’s the guy’s fault…no, the reason I find this couple interesting is the imagery…the symbolism…possibly even the irony of his posture
on their very first day…everyone knows from TV, movies, and literature…actually from history itself…hands in pockets represents detachment, deception, having something to hide…how do you think the ritual of
originated…it was a need to prove that a weapon wasn’t being concealed…likely, the wedding
posed him that way…but still, I think…Oops!
…there I go again…off on a
of needless boring information…I’m sorry…wake up
…I promise to stay on
the rest of the way…so, our bride…let’s call her Karen…and groom John, start their lives together…since she’s the
in the marriage…she adapts to his
behaviors…and she can handle the stress of a whopping 1000 pounds of
on her back…quite impressive…like when John said he needs to take up
…Honey, so many business deals are created over a round and some
…surprising to Karen, since John works for a building supply store…nonetheless, welcome to an unforeseen expenditure of equipment costs, course and lesson fees, bar bills, etc…KAREN IS QUIET…throw some
on her back…now, instead of Saturday mornings with some of this
and then making
together…and having a nice conversation over
…she rolls into an open space and onto a cold
from Spring through Fall…SHE IS STILL QUIET…but to heck with just a handful of straw…that justifies one of these
dropped on her…then come Saturday afternoon, when John finally pulls in the driveway…his halfhearted kiss Hello with a
seems planned…disingenuous…indicating he’s too tired to go for their usual
…I just walked 18 holes Hun…between that and the beer…I need a nap…NOT A WORD IN RESPONSE, KAREN PERSEVERES…go ahead, toss it
on…and…get this…when golf was finally wrapping up for the year, John gets an invitation from his instructor to join a fantasy
league and assures Karen, he’s not just an instructor…he’s the pro for the club…he knows everyone…and there’s some big name builders in this fantasy league…it’s a real chance for me to network…QUIET AS A CHURCH MOUSE…you know what’s next…do the honors
…from that point, every Sunday was with the guys…even if he had them over to their house to watch the games, she was made to feel like some sort of third
…invisible…not knowing players’ names from other teams…watching the channel switch from game to game…faces buried in cell phones and nachos…halftime breaks with whiskey and
on the back porch…STILL NOT A PEEP FROM KAREN…heave that
onto her back…then one Thursday night…since the NFL is systematically trying to take over the entire week…John looks away from the screen toward Karen…Honey, I think we’re gonna make some
tonight…I put a hundred on this one…to which she replies You bet on the game?…he counters Yeah, everyone’s doin’ it…it’s legal now…she takes a deep breath…perturbed…BUT NO REBUTTAL…carefully lay it
on top…that’s
…maximum capacity…and she endures that cargo for another month…until one evening she sees his empty
lying in the kitchen
…frustrated…she yells to the living room Hey Hun, can you do me a favor and stop leaving your dirty dishes in the sink…that’s why we have a
…John realizes Karen’s tone…so like a preemptive strike, he responds with a combination of confidence and contempt Yeah, I know Dear…the dishwasher’s full with clean dishes…not a big deal…and any other time, that would have silenced her…even prompting her to empty it on the spot…but not this night…time to place that last piece of
on Karen’s back…imagine, she looks something like this
…but only for a moment more…because, for all you lovers of classic idioms…this is the moment you’ve been waiting for…That was the straw that broke the camel’s back!…Karen regains composure…then
her tongue for a long overdue lashing Hey Dearrrr, here’s a novel concept…the next time you see the dishwasher needs to be emptied, stop being such a lazy f*ck and empty the f*ckin’ thing and put the
in the f*ckin’ cabinets where they belong…and while you’re at it, empty that disgusting
on my porch…probably filled with rain water by now…oh, but the same can’t be said about that
filled with tobacco spit…no no, one of your f*ckhead friends hid it under a chair…what kind of f*ckin’ loser does that…prominent builders my ass…at this point, John comes walking into the kitchen, hands in the air, and heads to the
for a beer…Yo-yo-yooo, settle down Karen…what’s gotten into you…you sound like you French kissed a
…Karen’s mentally exhausted and throws caution to the wind Well, he has a truck…but I didn’t use my tongue…least, I don’t think I did…John was bent over in the fridge…he looked up Come again?…Karen reiterates You heard right…I kissed a guy…the
to be precise…John’s instantly livid When the f*ck did you see the lawn guy…our grass don’t need to be cut…and a better question…why the f*ck did you kiss him?…Karen explains I finished work yesterday and wanted to do some
before picking up the kids at Mom’s…but I left my list on the counter…I stopped home to get it and pulled in the
…he was blowing the
away from the front door…he didn’t see me…and when he turned my way, he blew something in my eye…he knew immediately by my reaction…he dropped the blower and yelled Don’t touch it!…then he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me to his
and positioned me against the side of the truck by the passenger door…he yelled again Please, don’t touch it!…but this time he apologized…he forgot he was still wearing his
…then he went frantically to work…he opened the door…reached in his lunch cooler…pulled out a
and emptied the entire thing on his hands, rubbing like crazy…then he wiped them all over his
…I think it was the only clean part of his shirt, relatively…next he opened his glove box and pulled out hand sanitizer…and again, all over his hands and all over his chest…John jumps in What the f*ck’s he doin’…getting ready for surgery?…Karen smiles I know, right…she sees John is calming down…even taking a sip of his
…she continues then he grabs…and this is when I was getting a little nervous…he grabs a
off the dashboard…John blurts A sparkplug?…That sounds like time to run, Hun…Karen smiles again…Wait…I agree…but it will all make sense…it was a brand new spark plug, still in the cardboard box…he opened the lid and tore it off…then he ripped a thin piece, like a sliver, from the edge of the lid…he was finally ready…he closed in on me, only
apart and said Now stay still…then he put his hand on my face and gently spread my eye open with his thumb and finger…I know he did his best to clean his hands…but with his palm practically covering my nose, all I could smell was gas and
…then with steady determination, he carefully stuck the cardboard in my eye and removed the debris…I felt it come out…with pride, he looked down at his makeshift tool and started telling a story about his father and how he always said Never rub your eye…you’ll only make it worse…and something about him using the back of a
…I really wasn’t paying attention…but what I can tell you for certain is…I haven’t felt that kind of
inside for a long time, and I just had to…had to let it out…express it…something…and the next thing I know, I was lifting his head and grabbing his face with my hands…I kissed him…kissed him right on the lips and rejoiced Thank you!…You have no idea how much this meant to me…then I ran in the house and got the list…I think I scared the
out of him…before I came back out, he already drove off and left his blower on the walkway…John looks bewildered Jesus, Karen…I get where he’s coming from…why would you do such a thing?
Karen is contrite John, I have no good answer…or at least no answer you could understand…I mean…you could understand…but…to be me…(hesitation)…unless you can somehow go back in time and feel what I’ve felt over this past year…(hesitation)…it’s been really tough…but just know, I love you…and if you still love me, we have to do a better job of communicating, especially me…I can’t
what bothers me under the
and hope it goes away…if we have any chance of this marriage working…we need to really sit down and talk…about everything…in the moment…absolutely, in the moment…before the moments leads to something we can’t recover from.
One of the most consistent comments I hear when I explain the meaning of Callemonit is It’s not for me…I don’t like confrontation…I don’t like to
…and my reply is To call someone on their behavior is not wanting or inviting confrontation…a calm and thought out approach to addressing concerns can build strong connections in a relationship…so, no matter how hard some things are to hear…and even when those concerns lead to an argument…you know there’s love and commitment behind the words.
I hope you enjoyed this Callemonit…make honesty about your feelings a habit…don’t be a camel.
If you want to read more about John and Karen, check out John and Karen: Life on a Rollercoaster…it starts on my Home page and continues in 7, Cure and Pin (found in the menu).
…and as always, your comments here and on social media are welcomed…Thanks, Mark