What’s an i Stalker?
Well, I guess the easiest way to describe it is to draw a comparison…namely, The Boogeyman. Didn’t we all have an evil sibling or friend who told us how The Boogeyman looms in the darkness of our closet or under the bed, waiting to take us away? And as a result of this senseless fabrication, the only thing stolen was countless peaceful nights’ sleep…seriously, how many years did that unnecessary torture last?
So in the same vein, an i Stalker is a stressful concoction which resides in your head…but it’s booty of choice is not sleep. An i Stalker robs you of confidence by exhausting your psyche with feelings of inadequacy, ineptitude, ineffectiveness, inferiority, incompetence, insecurity, etc…there are a lot of negative i words that are part of an i Stalker’s arsenal. They creep in and slowly distort your self image, hoping to find a permanent home in the wiring of your brain.
So how do you free yourself from an i Stalker’s grasp?
The answer is…you guessed it…Callemonit. As I’ve said multiple times throughout this blog, Callemonit is not hostile or angry confrontation. When you call them on it, you are hoping to clear the air, reveal a concern, and come to a mutual understanding with someone that is based on fairness and truth, with the intention of improving a unpleasant situation.
Before I go any further, I have to mention…and for the purpose of this page…an i Stalker is an unsubstantiated figment of your own imagination. It’s not a true reality. You allow it’s representation to gain strength in your mind, simply because you haven’t yet decided to address the cause.
I’m not referring to real life, flesh and blood i Stalkers…like a mentally and/or physically abusive narcissist. Unfortunately, as I have learned over the past few months of social media, Callemonit words aren’t the most effective defense against a narcissist…a good pair of running shoes usually does the trick.
No…I want this page to be about healthy communication that has open minded participants on both sides of the conversation.
Here’s the first example.
Donna comes home from work. Her husband, David, greets her, “How was work?”
Donna: “Crappy as always…it’s so depressing, Hun…I swear, I’m gonna be stuck in that same stupid cubicle for the rest of my life…” David is patiently quiet. He’s heard this start before.
Donna continues, “Guess what? I was in the break room today, and I overheard a table of suits spitballing about a potential solution for a tech problem…that I could solve in…in like ten minutes…but nobody would ever know…”
(sullen pause) (i Stalker has been gaining strength over the past month or so.) She continues, “…or am I wrong, Honey…am I where I am…because that’s where I belong…I mean, maybe I’m not as smart as…oh, I don’t know. It’s not like my boss is a bad guy…but by giving me the same simple humdrum tasks day after day…is that the way it’s supposed to be…like maybe I really am incompetent?”
David: “You know what Hun…I have an idea. You’re in that cubicle, because your boss chose to put you there, and you want to understand his thinking…I suggest you Callemonit. Go and ask for a sit down where you discuss your role in the company going forward. Explain how you feel your contributions are only scratching the surface of your ability…like…ask him for more responsibility…harder tasks. You want an opportunity to prove your worth beyond the cubicle. You know…see what he has to say…what do you got to lose?”
The next day, Donna saw her boss head to the break room for a coffee. She followed.
Donna: “Mr. Thompkins…I was wondering if you could set aside some time for me to talk about my position here with the company…it should only take a few minutes.”
Mr. Tompkins looked at his watch, “Well, I have a few minutes now…grab yourself a coffee, and let’s head back to my office.”
Needless to say, the meeting was a huge success. Mr. Thompkins appreciated her drive and initiative. Also, after admitting she heard about the tech problem, he allowed her to take a crack at the project…and, well…it wasn’t long before Donna was out of the cubicle…and the rest, as they say, is history.
Hello Callemonit success! Farewell i Stalker!
Do you have an awesome story about how your courage to Callemonit at work, defeated your confidence robbing i Stalker and put you on the path of success and happiness? Please share it in the Comment box below.
Dad comes home from work, opens front door, and immediately beckons, “Honey, where you at?”
Mom: “I’m upstairs in the bathroom.”
Dad walks upstairs, the bathroom door is cracked, he walks in, Mom is giving the kids a bath, “Well that explains it.”
Mom: “Explains what?”
Dad: “Why you didn’t answer your phone.”
Mom: “Shoot Hun, I forgot…I know you like me to keep my phone nearby.”
Dad: “No big deal. I just wanted to give you a heads up my mom called…she tried you but no answer. Anyway, she’s stopping by to bring the kids some clothes, and she was hoping she could stay for dinner.”
Mom: “Of course…(a pause for truth)…Ughh!”
Dad chuckles, “What’s with the Ughh! I thought you love my mom.”
Mom: “No no, I do…she’s great…it’s just…”
Dad: “Go ahead, spit it out, come clean.”
Mom: “No, it’s nothing really…it’s just that she makes me feel like I’m a lousy cook.” (i Stalker started setting up camp as far back as last Thanksgiving when Mom-In-Law threw a handful of almond slivers on Mom’s green bean casserole, and everyone acted like she reinvented the wheel.)
Dad: “How’s that?”
Mom: “Well, she always wants to help me in the kitchen, and without fail, she adds more onions to the meatloaf, garlic salt to the potatoes, butter to the corn, on and on…and then at dinner, she’s like, Look at everybody cleaning their plate…and especially that one over there…my boy sure did love his onions growing up. And you have no problem giving her the compliment she’s looking for, Yeah, I did notice the extra onions…delicious…like old times. It makes me want to barf garlic mashed all over your nice clean plate, There you go Sweety, eat that.“
Dad laughs real hard, “I’m sorry Hun…you know I love your cookin’…I’m just making my mom feel good.”
Mom: “Actually Hun, I don’t. Do you know how many times I second guessed a recipe…thinking, What would my mother-in-law do?“
Dad: “Well that’s crazy…I’m serious. I love all the food you make…trust me…I’d tell you if I didn’t. I just wish you would have said something to me before, instead of doing all this needless stressing.”
Hello Callemonit success! Farewell i Stalker!
For this situation, the i Stalker has been defeated. Mom was mostly concerned with what her husband thought of her cooking. She’s not really interested in her mother-in-law’s opinion. Even still, there is a second part to this Callemonit.
When Grandmom arrived that night and made her usual trip to the kitchen, Mom said, “Hey Mom, I’m good here…(pause)…seriously, I’m good.”
That’s all that was needed to be said. And there wasn’t even the slightest hiccup in their relationship. I guess Grandmom remembered how she felt when someone came into her kitchen.
Hello more Callemonit success!
Have you ever had unwanted competition in your own kitchen? Or have you ever been unsure about exactly how your loved one sees you as a cook? Did you defeat the i Stalker? Tell me about it in the Comment Box.
Steve from the kitchen, “Hey Liz, is the dog with you?”
Liz: “Yeah, why?”
Steve: “Can you let him out…he’s probably ready to bust.”
Liz: “I have a better idea…let’s take him for a nice long walk…it’s beautiful out.”
Steve swallows a mouth full of potato chips, “Alright, I’ll grab a poop bag…where are they…under the sink?”
Liz: “Yeah…then meet me out front.”
Liz is always on the go. She likes running, biking, kickboxing, you name it…and her fit body is a reflection of her efforts. Even while waiting for Steve, she’s playing with the dog, running back and forth, taunting him with a stick, before letting it fly…then she races to get to the stick first…the dog usually wins, though. Still, who has that stamina at 50…Steve sure doesn’t.
Steve walks out the front door, “You ready?”
Liz: “Just waitin’ on you…what’s up with the hoody…it’s hot out…finally feels like Spring.”
Steve: “Ahh, I don’t really think so…probably just because you’ve been running around with the dog.”
Steve calls the dog over to hook up his leash. Liz approaches as well, “No, seriously Hun…you’re gonna sweat like crazy…feels like 70…just throw your sweatshirt inside.”
Steve starts walking to the sidewalk, “Nah, I’m good…let’s get goin’.”
Liz: “Alright Steven Foster…stop right there.” She walks up to his face, quietly, “What’s going on with you…you know it’s hot out…what gives?”
Steve takes a deep breath, then strong exhale, “I guess I just feel sh**ty about my belly.”
Liz: “Please…you’re belly’s fine…it’s just a little winter weight.”
Steve: “No, this is not a little winter weight…unless you think winter now consists of ten months. (And it was around 10 months ago that the i Stalker made it’s appearance.)
Liz: “So what…who cares…I love your belly.”
Steve: “Do ya?”
Liz: “What do you mean, Do I?”
Steve: “Do you remember last vacation…we were on the beach, and that body builder guy walked by…the husband on the blanket in front of us covered his wife’s eyes…we laughed.”
Liz: “Yeah, so?”
Steve: “But then you started gawking too…and I was like, Hun…hello…I’m sitting right here…and your reply was, Oh stop, you men get eye candy all day with all these skimpy bikinis.“
Liz: “Hun, I was just kidding…have you ever known me to ogle people?”
Steve: “No, I guess not…even still, I just feel uncomfortable walking around the neighborhood with my fat belly.”
Liz: “I’m confused…is it me or the neighbors you’re concerned with?”
Steve: “Both I guess…you because you liked the guy on the beach…and them because they’re staring out their windows or sitting on their porches, Look at that odd couple.“
Liz: “Well, I’m gonna clear this up, once and for all…first, I didn’t like the guy on the beach…second, you shouldn’t care what the hell the neighbors think…and third, most importantly, I love you…big you, little you, fat, skinny, bald, toothless, whatever…I’ll always be attracted to you…and I’m sorry I joked on the beach…I was wrong. I wish you would have told me how much that bothered you.”
Steve: “Yeah, me too…but, thanks for what you said…I love you too…” He takes off his hoody, “…bald and toothless, huh?”
Hello Callemonit success! Farewell i Stalker!
Have you ever felt insecure about your appearance, thinking you were no longer attractive to your loved one? How did you Callemonit to beat the i Stalker? Leave a comment.